Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

Mature Content

This content is intended for mature audiences.


or, enter your birth date.*


Month

Day

Year*
Please enter a valid date format (mm-dd-yyyy)
Please confirm you have reviewed DeviantArt's Terms of Service below.
* We do not retain your date-of-birth information.


Hands in the Dark


Inspired by a true event...


She sat huddled near a musty wire bed frame her left side and back pressed into a crumbling plaster wall, her brown hair stuck to her face with sweat and blood which was and wasn't her own. A right shoe was missing, as her jeans were ripped in slight places, it wasn't a choice in fashion, her body shook and her teeth chattered out of fear. Heart pounding in her ears as she let in and out her breath as if she was running a marathon.
He was following her for days. That much was only a guess on her part, the body of a young man lay slumped motionless in the middle of the room, blood was all around him, his face was slashed, an eye was missing and so was his right arm. The young man was from the police course here at the college, cocky and arrogant, now lay dead from blood loss. His face was tilted back towards a large open window letting in the clouded moonlight. Another had been ripped in half, his torso was at one end of the room his legs at the other his innards flowing out from both ends. The third lay half way in the room and in the hall, multiple slash marks throughout his body. The fourth and last of the men was a body with no head attached.
The room itself was filled with blood and gore and if she were able to move she'd probably witness more of the same but with the three girls.
She didn't want to look over there, she knew if she did then that man would be there, even though she did not turn her head, she could feel his dark gaze on her, those eyes, eyes as dark as night, black as ink, eyes that could take hold of her soul if he wanted.
That man was there, looking down at the lifeless body, his face blank before a twisted smile came to his face. Even though she didn't look at his face, she looked to the rest of him, he was tall, with a slightly thin build, but not too thin, he merely appeared to not be able to protect himself from someone with a much thicker build.
The four men and three girls that were with her, the men tried to attack the one who was standing there, the woman, but her tried to escape, she didn't know what had happened to them, all she heard where the screams before fear over took her and she remained huddled near the bed frame and wall.
Why did I go with them anyway? Why didn't I just go home like I should have? And why, why the hell is he staring at me?!? Mom... Mom help me... I'm scared... please...
She refused to look at him, she couldn't look at him, she just couldn't. If she did then he would kill her next, but then those other girl's didn't, they just ran for it, calling for help which fell short on deaf ears.
Her blue eyes cracked opened, wanting to take a glance over to where that man is, and the first thing she saw where bear feet and slightly worn white pants, her eyes went wide, she didn't want to look up, her body shook with refusal, but she felt a hand with long fingers resting ideally on the top of her head, running through in a soothing motion, but to her it felt less than relaxing.
It made her feel sick, she wanted to run away, but her legs wouldn't budge.
Slowly, she raised her head, eyes moving upward when she wanted to keep them closed from his gaze.
As he lowered his head to her's she finally found her voice and whispered so softly since no one could hear.
"Help me..."
WARNING!!: This Story contains heavy amounts of Gore, blood, violence, strong language, and psychological moments that are not for the faint of heart, though this is only the prolog with the most amount as of yet there maybe more to come.
Thank you.

As it says at the beginning this story I am writing is based off of something that had happened when I went to a college that used to be an insane asylum, no joke.
Basically I had a ghost encounter at my night class, I saw someone, then he was gone
you can read more about it here: [link]
Chapter One: [link]

-----------------------------------
UPDATE!!!
-----------------------------------

I've been given contact information of an editor that maybe, just maybe, interested in my works!!
YAY! :icon34nipahplz: isn't that awesome??
Now I'm just hoping when I finish my letter drafts and send it off Via email that she'll be interested :nod:
so please wish me all the best! :iconnipahplz:
Add a Comment:
 
:iconcreativity-squared:
Creativity-Squared Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Student General Artist
Hello! I think this is a good start to a story. You know what you want to convey; that is, you know your plot. You know what you want to instill in your readers, and that is fear. The reader can tell straight from the beginning that this is the beginning of a horror novel--you make that clear to your readers in this prologue.

This is what I found as I was reading this piece, and some pointers along the way:

Grammar, Structure, and Paragraphing

First of all (and I know that this has been mentioned before by others), the readers here on deviantArt will be able to read your work easier without a block of text. The easiest way to do this is to put a space between your paragraphs. I cannot stress enough that paragraphing is probably one of the most important things here on deviantArt. Without it, the reader is lead astray by the huge wall of text.

Regarding grammar, I found a lot of run-on sentences scattered throughout the piece. These can easily be corrected by separating the sentences or using semi-colons. I felt that there was also unneeded description in certain places in the piece.

That much was only a guess on her part, the body of a young man lay slumped motionless in the middle of the room, blood was all around him, his face was slashed, an eye was missing and so was his right arm.

This sentence talks about several things at once, so it definitely needs to be separated into sentences. I would personally take the "that much was only a guess on her part" and place it next to the previous sentence, creating a separate paragraph. Then I would separate the rest into three sentences like so:
"The body of a young man lay slumped motionless in the middle of the room. A pool of blood seeped into the floor around him. His face was slashed; an eye was missing and so was his right arm."

A right shoe was missing, as her jeans were ripped in slight places, it wasn't a choice in fashion, her body shook and her teeth chattered out of fear.

The piece about "as her jeans were ripped in slight places, it wasn't a choice in fashion," bugged me quite a bit. It has already been established--you set the scene as somewhere where the main character is lost, alone, and afraid. It is obvious that her ragged appearance is not fun and games, so why repeat it? This is redundant and not needed.

-Something else I found in your writing is that you seem to switch back and forth between tenses. Its best when writing a story to keep to one tense--your default tense seems to be past tense, but you slip into present tense on a couple of occasions: "Heart pounding in her ears" "wanting to take a glance over to where that man is" Since you use past tense during most of the story, I would change these parts to past tense.

Plot and Characters

The plot is pretty well fleshed out here--you give the reader enough information to know what is going on. However, during the middle of the piece details become hazy and I became confused as I read it. Has the man always been there? Did he walk in? It would help if you clarified these things and made it easier for the reader to understand.

The character of the girl is pretty non-descriptive--I have the same problems with my characters as well, so I understand how hard it is to describe them. Is she young? Older? I know that this is just a prologue, so I'm sure there is more description of her later in the novel. But it would be good for the reader to get a little more information on her in the beginning.

For help with descriptions of the horror (blood, gore, etc) I would suggest reading some good horror novels such as these ones (I haven't read these, but I might and it looks like a good resource): [link] To also get a good experience at horror and if you're into gaming, I highly recommend this game: [link]. It's highly realistic and I think would give you some ideas on how to describe the more gruesome scenes to make your story even better.

I hope this critique helps you. If you would like me to help you edit this novel, or critique any of your other chapters, feel free to send me a note. Have a great day!
Reply
:iconextremerebirth1:
extremerebirth1 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is the prologue? I guess this where my journey brgins
Reply
:iconsuyuku-san:
suyuku-san Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012  Professional Writer
Hope it's not too dark or gruesome to read :hug:
Reply
:iconextremerebirth1:
extremerebirth1 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I love darkness and gore
Reply
:iconsuyuku-san:
suyuku-san Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012  Professional Writer
good to know, hope you enjoy the rest :dance:
Reply
:iconfehnwrites:
Fehnwrites Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2012
Prologue* :D
Reply
:iconsuyuku-san:
suyuku-san Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2012  Professional Writer
thank you again I fixed it ^^;
Reply
:iconayemae:
Ayemae Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2012   General Artist
Nice! I like the suspense, the tone is set well, and I'm left wondering how she got into that position. You do make a few grammar mistakes, however, and I think this could be improved a great deal if you emphasized showing rather than telling a bit more. =D This one is short, so if it's okay, I'd like to copy/paste it and make comments accordingly. =)

Firstly, in the title, I think perhaps you mean 'Prologue'.

She sat huddled near a musty wire bed frame her left side and back pressed into a crumbling plaster wall, her brown hair stuck to her face with sweat and blood which was and wasn't her own.
- The phrasing here is a little bit awkward. The first part runs on a little bit, and I think it would be better separated into two sentences, and the first part separated with a comma. "She sat huddled near a musty wire bed frame, her left side and back pressed into a crumbling plaster wall. Her brown hair stuck to her face with sweat and blood which was and wasn't her own."

[Her] right shoe was missing, as her jeans were ripped in slight places, it wasn't a choice in fashion, her body shook and her teeth chattered out of fear.
- Here, there's a bit of a showing/telling issue. The images of her body shaking and her teeth chattering do a splendid job of showing that she's afraid, so you actually don't need to mention it with the 'out of fear'. Same goes for the 'and it wasn't a fashion choice'. The fact that we know she's bloodied leaves the reader with the impression that the girl is in a bad place, so the first assumption is already that the jeans are ripped because of the predicament she's in. ^^

Heart pounding in her ears as she let in and out her breath as if she was running a marathon.
- The phrasing here is a bit unnatural. There's an awful lot of info here, and I'm not sure it really helps the story. I would recommend simplifying it, perhaps: "Her heart was pounding in her ears as she gasped for air."

He was following her for days. That much was only a guess on her part[.] [T]he body of a young man lay slumped motionless in the middle of the room[.] [B]lood was all around him, his face was slashed, an eye was missing and so was his right arm.
- I'm not sure if the person that was following her for days is supposed to the the man that's lying dead or her assailant. The way this is phrased, it sounds like the dead fellow is the one who was following her. I'd perhaps get rid of that part and maybe save it for the part of the prose that's describing her follower. =) The second sentence also runs on and should be broken up. The way you talk about the gore could almost be more effective. I'll talk more about that later. =)

The young man was from the police course here at the college, cocky and arrogant, now lay dead from blood loss.
- Actually, this sentence a little unnecessary! If we learn about this young man later, then it would perhaps be a good idea for the protagonist to call him by name, or just put his name in the prose. For example, if his name were 'Jim', you'd make the last sentence, "Jim's body lay slumped, motionless in the middle of the floor..." Then at a more appropriate opportunity someone can talk about what Jim was like. If we don't learn about this young man and never hear about him again, then I'm afraid this line would be better off removed.

His face was tilted back towards a large open window letting in the clouded moonlight. Another had been ripped in half, his torso was at one end of the room his legs at the other his innards flowing out from both ends. The third lay half way in the room and in the hall, multiple slash marks throughout his body. The fourth and last of the men was a body with no head attached.
- Unfortunately the horror of these scenes fall flat because it's phased very technically, almost as if we're hearing it second hand. It's generally better to focus on what the scene feels like, not so much how it actually is.

I'm actually not a fan of gory stories myself, but I know what would scare me, so I'll take a whack at it:
"Her heart was pounding in her ears as she gasped for air.
Something metallic began to fill her nose. She took another deep breath as she let her an eye peel open. Before her was a large window, the clouded moonlight illuminating an ebbing pool of red and a number of slumped bodies soaking in it. Her eyes found the mangled frame of a young man. Her gaze drifted over the dripping gash in his face until it reached his remaining eye. It was wide open, pupil fixed as if he were staring back. She threw her hands in front of her face and chocked down a sob."

One frightening, well-visualized scene will have a lot more impact on your readers than a flat write-up of the details. You want your readers to feel the fear here, and the best way to do that is from this girl's perspective. She's probably much too horrified to get all the details of everything going around her, so focus on one really frightening image that would leave a huge impact on her. Another thing is that I notice a lot a beginner writers only utilize the sense of sight. The beauty of prose is that you can use all the senses; not even movies can do that! So take advantage of it as much as you can. =D Feelings, smells, and textures could be very valuable to build mood in your scenes.

The room itself was filled with blood and gore and if she were able to move she'd probably witness more of the same but with the three girls.
- The phrasing is awkward here. We also already know about the blood, so there isn't actually a need to reiterate. =) The way it says "with the three girls" assumes that the readers know who these girls are. If we never learn about these girls then this is probably another thing that would be best removed. If we learn who they are later, then I'd suggest rephrasing, perhaps to: "She could only imagine what he did to the girls." or "She wanted to run, but stopped for fear of finding what he'd done to the girls." or something to that effect.

She didn't want to look over there[.] [S]he knew if she did then that man would be there[.] [E]ven though she did not turn her head, she could feel his dark gaze on her, those eyes, eyes as dark as night, black as ink, eyes that could take hold of her soul if he wanted.
- I like the ideas in this paragraph! It again runs on too long though. ^^; It could definitely work with some breaking down.

That man was there, looking down at the lifeless body, [which?] his face blank before a twisted smile came to his face.
- You used the word 'face' twice… Perhaps "twisted smile came across his lips."? Also, I'm a little confused at how she knows he's smiling without looking at his face.

Even though she didn't look at his face, [you used the word 'face' again here. I'd actually delete this segment, since you've stressed before that she's not looking. =)] she looked to the rest of him, he was tall, with a slightly thin build, but not too thin, he merely appeared to not be able to protect himself from someone with a much thicker build.
- The bit about how he could not be able to defend himself from something with a thicker build is also too much information and feels like an odd thing to say. All you really need was: "She turned just enough to see his frame. He was tall and thin, but not gangly." You could do is just get rid of this sentence entirely, since it kind of breaks the mood. Again, it's telling details of the scene, and that makes it feel more like a report and less like a horror story, you know?

[There were] four men and three girls that were with her[.] [T]he men tried to attack the one who was standing there, the woman, but [she] tried to escape[.] [I'm not sure what just happened here. It says 'the men' were attacking. I was under the impression from the lines before this that it was only one attacker] [S]he didn't know what had happened to them, all she heard where the screams before fear over took ['overtook' is one word] her and she remained huddled near the bed frame and wall.
- This is another run-on. Make sure you break these up, okay? =)
I'd actually might get rid of this sentence since it kind of resolves the mystery, but if you'd rather leave it, then I'd definitely clean it up.

She refused to look at him[.] [S]he couldn't look at him[.] [S]he just couldn't. If she did then he would kill her next, but then those other girl's didn't, they just ran for it, calling for help which fell short on deaf ears.
- I had to read this line a couple of times to understand what you meant. I think what it's saying is that the attacker killed the girls even though they didn't look at him? Also, you use two phrases here "fell short" and "fell on deaf ears". I think the one that better suits what you wanted it to say (that it didn't matter that they screamed for help), is "fell on deaf ears", so just get rid of the word 'short'.

Her blue eyes cracked opened, wanting to take a glance over to where that man is, and the first thing she saw [were bare] feet and slightly worn white pants[.] [H]er eyes went wide[.] [S]he didn't want to look up[.] [H]er body shook with refusal[.] [S]he felt a hand with long fingers resting ideally on the top of her head, running through in a soothing motion, but to her it felt less than relaxing.
- More run-ons. Be careful! ^^; I'd also get rid of the 'but to her it felt less than relaxing'. The phrasing there suggests comedy, since 'less than relaxing' is such a severe understatement of 'horrified'.

It made her feel sick[.] [S]he wanted to run away, but her legs wouldn't budge.
Slowly, she raised her head, eyes moving upward when she wanted to keep them closed from his gaze.

- I'm not sure what this means. Are her eyes opened, or closed? What's she looking up towards if not his eyes?

As he lowered his head to her's[,] she finally found her voice and whispered [softly].
"Help me…"


I hope that was helpful to you. =) I know it's a lot, but when I critique I want to make sure I explain things as well as I can. :XD:;
Reply
:iconsuyuku-san:
suyuku-san Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2012  Professional Writer
so much stuff in tiny writing.... my eyes!! *thud* thank you for this :hug:
Reply
:iconayemae:
Ayemae Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2012   General Artist
You're welcome! I know it was a lot, so thank you for getting through it. :XD:
Reply
:iconfehnwrites:
Fehnwrites Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2012
I'm pretty sure this is the longest comment I've ever seen. :nod:
Reply
:iconayemae:
Ayemae Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2012   General Artist
I know, I'm sorry. D: I just try to make sure I explain everything well so it could hopefully be of help, but I often end up being really long-winded. ^^;
Reply
:iconfehnwrites:
Fehnwrites Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2012
Lol it's fine! I think it's really nice that you put that much thought into a comment and that you're willing to take time to help someone be a better writer :D

I mean, if you wanted to do that to any of my stories, I certainly wouldn't mind xDDD :heart:
Reply
:iconayemae:
Ayemae Featured By Owner May 2, 2012   General Artist
Awww, I've been very busy lately, but perhaps I'll take a look at them if/when I have time if you want. :)
Reply
:icontyler9862:
tyler9862 Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I love the suspense. This is awesome thus far!

I hope the hidden thing comes out but the use of gore is just right!
Reply
:iconsuyuku-san:
suyuku-san Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012  Professional Writer
aw thank you so very much I hope you like the others just as much :hug:
Reply
:icontyler9862:
tyler9862 Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I do!
Reply
:iconwarriorsparrow:
WarriorSparrow Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2012
,,, Wow, at this rate I'm definitely gonna likely have to put an 18-and-older filter later on in my fic... though that could be a problem for people reading it...

Anyway, nice so far, pretty interesting gore story.
Reply
:iconsuyuku-san:
suyuku-san Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2012  Professional Writer
It's actually not all gore, it slowly builds up to it, that way readers will be more interested, it also tells what happened before said gory seine, but it get's darker with more mystery with each chapter :)
Reply
:iconwarriorsparrow:
WarriorSparrow Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2012
Sounds like how it is with my story, except with mine, it kind of starts out with gore, but then later comes the reasoning for it - which I shall not spoil. ;)

But keeping your readers interested through mystery is always a good idea! :)
Reply
:iconsuyuku-san:
suyuku-san Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012  Professional Writer
lol same with mine, and if you read further you find how it happens but not necessarily the reason for why until later :)
Reply
:iconwildwalker:
Wildwalker Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2012
I am not faint of heart... But I am weak of age, apparently. I can't get past the 18+ filter. :noes:
Reply
:iconsuyuku-san:
suyuku-san Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2012  Professional Writer
I'm sorry! >.< It's very gory, but if you'd like I can send you to a site where anyone can read it ^^;
Reply
:iconwildwalker:
Wildwalker Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2012
Sure! (I think I can handle it... But please don't be offended if I can't! *Smiles apologetically*)
Reply
:iconsuyuku-san:
suyuku-san Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2012  Professional Writer
that's okay sweetie, it's to each there own so I won't be offended, but if you do like it, please comment on DA so I know :heart: :pat:

[link]
Reply
:iconwildwalker:
Wildwalker Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2012
I just finished chapter 1! It's amazing so far! So thrilling and suspenseful! (Thank god I have the friends I have, or else I wouldn't have been able to make it through the prologue! I never thought I could be grateful to my best friend for loving gore so much...) It's getting a little late for me, so I will continue with chapter 2 tomorrow! :D I'm looking forward to it!
Reply
:icona-broken-flower:
A-Broken-Flower Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2012  Student Writer
Amazingly well written.
very scary.
when you upload tho try copy and pasting to the DA Add text box then you can read over and properly space your paragraphs. also something i fail to do my self and have to go back and check, you over use your commas[ , ]. Running sentences are heard to read. as are long paragraphs. period [ . ] are are friends. so is the enter key.
Reply
:iconaprildawson:
AprilDawson Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
AAHHH! Before I talk about the prologue, space out the paragraphs. Usually stories that have paragraphs that look like one huge paragraph intimidates readers, even if it's half a page long.

Overall . . . . I'm really intrigued. You have no idea how much you fascinated me when you described the dead bodies. I literally laughed when I read the first boy's eye was missing and had a slashed face. Same thing with the boy that was torn in half, I actually smiled. (Sorry I'm so damn creepy XD. I once in a while write of cannibalism)
Reply
:iconsuyuku-san:
suyuku-san Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Professional Writer
I tired with the paragraph thing but since I have to put it in text instead of a file (I don't have PDF nor can I get it) I am reduced to this, when I write it's on word, and it comes out looking like a novel similar to those in actual books (I'm still young still learning the way of DA! :noes:)
I am very glad that you liked the prolog, and you laughing at what happened to the boy's don't worry, I laughed later after finishing it :D
And your not creepy your honest and I like that about people :pat:
Reply
:iconaprildawson:
AprilDawson Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I write my stuff on word too, then copy and paste it onto my thing. Just double space each paragraph apart from each other XD. I learned that too last year when I started becoming an active DA.
Reply
:iconsuyuku-san:
suyuku-san Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Professional Writer
Ah, I've never thought of that, but for some reason I feel like I'm butchering my own work, is that normal...? :(
Reply
:iconaprildawson:
AprilDawson Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
yes, but for the sake of readers on DA, they'll read when they see the paragraph spaces. Since I assume you wanna publish your work someday, you can put it back the way it was originally. There's no way in hell that I wanna publish my books the way its spaced on DA
Reply
:iconsuyuku-san:
suyuku-san Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Professional Writer
good point ^^; but it'll still feel strange... but let me know what you think of the other chapters, the next one's coming up soon too! :dance: and actually I have gotten a book (self) published though after looking through it so many times, when I had it mailed I found mistakes! :noes: and for some stupid reason it came out like a magazine with a glossy cover :grump: the site apparently did not like me...
Reply
:iconaprildawson:
AprilDawson Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah I've been warned by my dad that self-publishing isn't a smart thing. He convinced me not to publish one of my oldest stories. To make it big, you have to find yourself an agent that matches the kind of genre you write, then THEY find publishing companies that may want your book. It's a tricky process.

I'll get to reading. Right now I have one more test and then I'll get onto reading everyone else's stories during spring break
Reply
:iconsuyuku-san:
suyuku-san Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Professional Writer
yeah my mom was disappointed so was I but oh well, I at least get my name out there :)
and an agent will be super hard for me to find since I'm in Canada, we have less publishers then America :tears: then there's trying to contact one...
Spring Break come soon! :dance:
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icondylanseto:
DylanSeto Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2012   Artist
First off, I want to apologize for taking so long to get back to you on reading this >.> My only excuse is that..I was lazy. ~.~ Definetely worth the read, Goodjob ^-^
Reply
:iconsuyuku-san:
suyuku-san Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2012  Professional Writer
That's okay :pat: I'm just glad that you like it :lol:
Reply
:icondylanseto:
DylanSeto Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2012   Artist
^^
Reply
:iconrachelevans1013:
Rachelevans1013 Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2012  Professional Writer
Very scary!!
Reply
:iconsuyuku-san:
suyuku-san Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2012  Professional Writer
yay! :glomp: that's what I was going for, hope you checked out the journal entry that inspired it :dance:
Reply
:iconrachelevans1013:
Rachelevans1013 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2012  Professional Writer
Yes, also quite frightening!
Reply
:iconniarahime:
Niarahime Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012
:O Wow, great work, Rinny! :D
Reply
:iconsuyuku-san:
suyuku-san Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012  Professional Writer
thank you, wait till the first chapter is up next :D :glomp:
Reply
:iconniarahime:
Niarahime Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2012
:iconsuperheroglompplz:
Reply
:iconsuyuku-san:
suyuku-san Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2012  Professional Writer
Omg I've been supper glomped/hugged :heart:
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconsuyuku-san: More from suyuku-san



Featured in Collections

WRITING by sakura4568

Full Stories by Shanster12


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
March 6, 2012
File Size
3.4 KB
Mature Content
Yes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
653
Favourites
13 (who?)
Comments
46
×